Daily Success
Institute in Basic Life Principles

Command 33 : Honor Marriage | Day 231

Transfer Authority in Marriage!

Recently, a wife called me with a desperate plea for help. Her husband was addicted to pornography and it was ruining their marriage. He had given up any hope of overcoming it. What made their situation even more devastating was that he is the pastor of a church! When she sought help for their marriage from others, her husband became angry and told her that she was operating out from under his authority. He threatened to quit the pastorate if she told the church board.

I assured her that she was in no way out from under her husband's authority by seeking help for their problem. In fact, she was exercising the authority that he had given to her when they were married.

In marriage, "the wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife” (I Corinthians 7:4).

The word power in this verse is the Greek word exousiazo, which means "to control." Elsewhere, this Greek word is translated as "exercise authority upon" and "bring under the power of." In other words, when a man gets married, he yields the authority of his body to his wife, even as she does to him. He no longer has the authority to choose what his eyes look at or what any of the members of his body do. This is similar to the policeman who has authority, under the law, to stop a speeding truck, even though he personally does not have the power to do so.

This is one reason why a husband must confess secret moral failures and temptations to his wife, so that together they can gain victory in the Lord. Another reason is that in marriage the two become "one flesh" in a covenant relationship. What one marriage partner does directly affects the other marriage partner. A further motivation for openly sharing secret failures with a wife is the knowledge that Satan operates in darkness. When there are hidden failures, Satan is able to continue his destructive work so that victory is not really possible.

I am happy to report that this husband listened to counsel and shared his situation with the church board. They gave him a six-month leave of absence so that he could go through an intensive program to help him conquer moral addictions. It is our prayer that he will be able to return to his church with a powerful testimony of victory in this area.

Marriage is two individuals agreeing to lay down their lives so the other can live.

While it is obvious that marital unfaithfulness is wrong, it is also important to maintain purity within a marriage. Over the years, many men have tried to justify perverted actions in marriage with this verse: “Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled ..." (Hebrews 13:4). A better translation of this verse would be that marriage is honorable and the bed is to be undefiled, because God will judge those who defile it.

Marriage was not designed for the purpose of fulfilling abnormal passions and lusts. Thus, this instruction is given: “Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence [proper affection]: and likewise also the wife unto the husband” (I Corinthians 7:3). Due benevolence includes only what is proper and beneficial to both parties.

Now would be an excellent time to reaffirm your commitment to moral purity and to ask your wife to help you overcome temptations. In your journal, write out the ideas you and your wife have come up with to strengthen the spirit of your marriage, and begin practicing them today!

“For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh ... . What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Matthew 19:5-6).

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Contributing writer: Bill Gothard